Cherish (mareserinitatis) wrote,

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Because I wish I had a dragon...

A Really Nerdy Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a young girl lived in the dungeon of the castle owned by her step-father. (The girls looks are irrelevant to the nature of the story, but I will mention that she was not the most socially-graceful creature.) The step-father didn't particularly care for the girl but kept her on because she was extremely useful for washing his lab dishes and taking data. Being a world-famous wizard of chemistrie, he was really too busy for such things.

The step-father kept a dragon in the dungeon, primarily as a means to prevent the young girl from escaping. The young girl had tried to escape several times when younger, but the dragon seemed to stave off any further efforts. It turns out that the girl was happy to have the company of the dragon, who was rather talkative. The dragon appreciated the girl because she used her rudimentary chemistrie skills to conjure up tasty snacks for the dragon.

However, the step-father didn't know that the young girl actually aspired to be a wizard herself someday. The one time she told her step-father, he laughed aloud and said no one had ever heard of a girl wizard. He assumed that meant she would forget about such silliness. So the girl became rather clever in hiding her aspirations as well as her means of learning. She would hide spell-books near the area where she worked and steal glances at it. By this method, she learned a great deal of chemistrie, physicks, and mathematicks.

One day, the girl decided she could no longer learn in the dungeon. She convinced the dragon to help her escape. In return, she would always provide food for the dragon and a nice place to live outside. The dragon agreed to help the girl. It took her on its back and flew out of the castle as quickly as possible. This was rather effective as none of the castle residents stopped the dragon for fear of being burned to a crisp.

The dragon and girl decided to take residence at a universitie where the girl could learn more about wizardry. The dragon lived in a forest near the universitie. The girl was told she would have to take the SAT (Sorcery Aptitude Test) before being accepted, and that, being a girl, her score would need to be higher than normal. The girl successfully passed her entrance exams and was accepted to the universitie.

She frequently visited the dragon in the forest, always bringing treats and often complaining about how the wizards, all of whom were men, made her feel awful because there was no such thing as a girl wizard. (The girl often said that was fine because she intended to be a woman wizard.) Her visits with the dragon often made her feel better, especially when the dragon would offer to toast such nasty people.

The girl's astronomie professor liked her very much and asked her to stay for her apprenticeship. The girl thought this would be a wonderful area of study, especially because it did not involve washing lab dishes. She worked very hard and diligently. One day the professor presented her with a magic wand of her own so that she could study astronomie as an assistant wizard at another universitie.

After much searching, with the help of her dragon friend, the girl found a universitie that would give her an assistant wizard position. They told her she must work very hard because few people ever make it to full wizard, and her work was undoubtedly not of the best quality because she was a girl wizard (although she corrected them and told them she was a woman wizard).

She was given a room in the dungeon of this universitie, but that created much difficulty because there was no light, which she required as the basis for her spells. She thought on this for a long time, and called to her friend the dragon, who magically came through the chimney to visit. When the dragon entered the dungeon, the girl assistant wizard noticed a small light beam shine onto the floor.

The assistant wizard had a brilliant (ha!) idea and sent her dragon friend to visit her astronomie advisor to ask for some special materials. The advisor had none, but recommended she apply for a seed grant through the local universitie. She did, and was given the materials to conjure several mirrors, although only after spending much time justifying her need. She mounted the mirrors inside the chimney and was able to get enough light to run through her special astronomie prisms and lenses.

"At last, I shall study refractive indices and polarization. Later, I can examine interferometrie!"

The assistant wizard began her studies and published many incantations in peer-reviewed spell-journals over the next few years.

Her novel approach to astronomie created a stir, and wizards from all over came to see her equipment. Some of them wanted to take her equipment to their own castles, but she refused. She would try to diplomatically negotiate time-sharing agreements with these wizards, although it has been noted that she didn't have proper social skills so this was only marginally successful. If they were particularly recalcitrant, she would take them out to the forest, and her dragon friend would eat them.

Finally, it was her time to be considered for the position of full wizard. She was very nervous. She was told that the deliberations were fierce, and her own step-father did not want her to be a full wizard. He claimed, but could not prove, that she really had stolen all his ideas and not given him credit. However, when the dust settled, she was given status of full-wizard. (Unfortunately, many folk claimed the only reason she was awarded full wizard was because she had a dragon.)

Once she became a full wizard, she asked for a room in the tower of the castle to continue her astronomie studies. It took a couple years, but she eventually was given the space. She happily moved her equipment to the tower and even had room for new equipment. Her dragon friend came up to visit frequently, and wizard had a tower full of happy, productive apprentices.

Tags: scientiae-carnival

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