When I started my masters, I was a bit terrified. I had worked on a couple research projects as an undergrad, but I found that I usually got stuck on something. Things were often held up for a long time while I waited for someone else to take care of the problem. I felt like I got nothing done. I also had recently been told by one of my favorite professors that I was too dependent on my teachers.

Ouch.

I went into my masters really unsure that I was able to do any research independently. In fact, I was sure I would need someone to hold my hand.

The same time I was doing my masters, my husband was working on his dissertation. Contrary to what most people would think, watching him scared me even more. He had chosen a topic that would dovetail nicely with work he was doing. It was, unfortunately, an area with which our adviser didn't have much background. My husband spent months struggling on the background of his project, trying to understand extremely complicated mathematics that he found, in some cases, had rather inconvenient errors. He got frustrated and many times came home wondering if he would be able to finish. He got scooped.

I wondered: Do I really want to do that? Can I really handle that?

A couple years ago, it all came together. It was like something clicked and he figured out what to do, how to do it, and was able to show that he had a considerable amount of expertise in his topic. I began to hope that maybe I could do the same thing.

In my last year in my masters program, my adviser handed me a paper and said, "You might be interested in this."

I read the paper, and he happened to be right. I got very excited about it and spent a lot of time thinking about it. I started digging into the background, digging up old papers that were so old they talked about "megacycles" instead of "megahertz", papers older than me. The paper delved into some things that my advisor didn't have much experience with (hmmm...that sounds familiar) so I began running across campus to consult with a professor in my old department and checking out unusual books from the library. I was taking a class at the time that required a project, so I decided to use that paper as a jumping off point. Another class, at the same time, required a paper, so I wrote up all the background I'd found.

My adviser, knowing how I'd thrown myself into things that semester, looked over the paper and project. He'd been telling me for a while how I was to the point I could do a lot of the research I needed on my own. It wasn't until he more or less said, "Told you so!" that I realized he was right.

When I think about who has inspired and motivated me the most, I think about both my husband, who was a role model, and my masters adviser, who was a mentor. Watching my husband get through a very frustrating (and even scary!) process and receiving some not so subtle encouragment from my adviser did a lot to make me feel confident in my abilities. They both helped me move from a place where I was certain I couldn't do anything on my own to a place where I felt very comfortable with my independence.

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