This month's scientiae asks about career goals. Specifically:

•How have your career goals changed in the past year? 5 years? 10 years?
•How has your perception of self changed in the past year? 5 years? 10 years?
•How is where you are now different from what you imagined for yourself as you worked toward this point?
•How much of a role have things outside of science had on your changing career goals?

Wow. There's lots of things there, especially with the topsy-turvy nature my life has taken over the past five years.

How have your career goals changed in the past year? 5 years? 10 years?

My career goals have always been to get a PhD and be a professor, although initially (~15 years ago when I graduated from high school) I planned on particle physics. About 12 years ago, I gave up on that and went back to school to try to become...anything but. I tried majors in journalism, photography, graphic arts, bioethics, and creative writing. I got bored, and went back to get my physics BS around ten years ago when I decided I wanted to become a geophysicist. About five years ago as I was finishing my BS, I decided to put the geophysics thing on hold so that I could homeschool my older child. I simultaneously decided to get a MS in electrical engineering (part-time) with the notion that it might be good to have a fallback degree so that I would not become completely unemployable. I had considered staying in EE (with much encouragement from my wonderful advisor), but geophysics is still calling to me, so I'll begin my PhD in the fall...assuming my defense goes well. :-)

How has your perception of self changed in the past year? 5 years? 10 years?

I always thought I was pretty dumb, and this has been a huge obstacle for me to deal with. It wasn't until the past five years, especially dealing with the struggles my older son had and the homeschooling that made me realize that I'm not. It's amazing how I used to feel that my struggles were due to my own ineptitude. Watching my son go through the same things I did helped me realize that a lot of it was not due to me being stupid or inept but that I was in the wrong environment with the wrong teachers. It has really changed my whole perception of growing up. I spend a lot less time mentally beating myself. I've stopped being angry at how things changed...now I just need to learn to accept that the people involved were just doing their best. (Dealing with this is probably a good goal for the next five years.)

I feel a lot better about my capabilities but I also have a better handle on what my strengths and weaknesses are. I also am better about finding ways around my weaknesses. I also am starting to realize that my life experience has endowed me with a lot of knowledge that some people don't have. Sadly, this does not make me a more competant Trivial Pursuit competitor. :-/

How is where you are now different from what you imagined for yourself as you worked toward this point?

Ha! I thought I'd be a physics PhD at Fermilab or something! Instead, I'm happily churning away at my little computer simulations in electromagnetics and learning new things about all sorts of interesting topics. I have realized that I have neither the competitive drive or the singular focus to be in the career I initially imagined. I love learning about science in terms of similiarities and relationships, which means I simply can't focus on a single thing. I'm just glad I figured it out before I got to point where I felt like a failure.

How much of a role have things outside of science had on your changing career goals?

Life experience changed everything for me. My family and relationships have changed many things. Although I sometimes still feel like I should have already reached my goal, I now realize I would have been aiming for a moving target. There is a lot to be said for maturity. I'm not working so hard to prove myself to everyone else now, since I don't feel as often that I have something to prove. I think this had made me into a much better person. I also think that has helped me find things that I love to do rather than feel I need to do to prove how smart I am. I've become a much more competant parent. All of this sums to the fact that I'm starting to feel like a grown-up...which is scary since I've legally been one for 15 years! :-)

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